The Great Disappointment

In the wake of the Second Great Awakening (a protestant revival movement in the late 18th and early 19th centuries), William Miller formed a group of followers called Millerites.  Miller, as was common at the time, believed that the second coming of Christ was happening very soon.  After a close reading of the book of Daniel he prophesied that Christ would return on October 22, 1844.  Millerites sold all their possessions and awaited the coming of Christ.  Christ did not come and the event is known as The Great Disappointment. Millerites reformed and some became Adventists, some decided that instead of an earthly event on October 22, a heavenly even occurred, some joined other sects.  They moved on, though greatly disappointed.   This is one of my favorite lessons from Betty DeBerg, one of my religion professors at college.

This week I've had my own great disappointment.  On Monday, at my weekly check-up, my midwife told me she was concerned about my dropping platelet level (it took a pretty big nose dive last week) combined with my other issues.  She ordered a blood draw and said she would like to induce me this week, if my levels continued to drop and the perinatologist said it was okay to induce.  I got very excited- very, very , very excited. And so did my family.

This pregnancy has not been the easiest of roads (but not the hardest either, I know many women who would love to have (or have had) my level of healthy pregnancy) and I am ready to have a baby and not be pregnant anymore.  I want to regain feeling in my hands.  I want to easily see my feet again and wear normal shoes again.  I want to pick up my daughter.  I want to be able to go upstairs without loosing my breath or go grocery shopping without becoming totally exhausted.  I thought this induction was the answer to my wishes and prayers.  I had it all planned out- who would watch D, when my in-laws and parents would come down, and I got everything ready for my leave at work.  Most excitingly, I would get to meet my son.  I am so excited to have this baby (even if he is nearing the 10 pound mark).  I want to hold that baby in my arms and show him to the world saying, "I made this, this is my son, [insert name here]."  Then, my midwife called and told me my platelets only dropped a little bit, not the big drop she was expecting, so no induction this week. Total disappointment, plans out the window.

I am happy that my platelets are not too low, but I am also bummed that I'm not having a baby this week (unless he wants to be born,  c'mon baby!).  But like the Millerites, I will move on.  I will make the best of the situation.  This baby will come in the next few weeks, I just have to be patient (not my strong suit) and wait for the right moment.

Have you had any great disappointments?

Most Magical Day

Today is the day I have been aiming for.  It is July 1st which puts me at 37 weeks pregnant, technically full term and in the same calendar month as my official due date.  My baby could be born any time now without much issue and I am ready.  I am 49" around; that is over 4 feet.  I am not sure anyone should every be that round.  I wasn't sure I'd make it this far along with my huge belly.  I have polyhydramnios which means I have above normal levels of amniotic fluid.  Not super high, but high enough that I have to see a specialist.  I am really good having obscure pregnancy conditions.  With D it was thrombocytopenia, which is low platelets.  My platelets are on the low end this time too, but not in a range that is concerning.  My iron levels however are also low this time and I am taking nasty iron pills.  At least I got him to flip from transverse (sideways) to head down or else I would have had to have a version to try to move him.  Did I mention he is already much larger than D was at birth?


Despite my size (which is causing quite a bit of fatigue), I am getting some things done.

I finished his baby blanket a few weeks ago...

I really love it.  I had a small issue with the center unraveling when I washed it, but I sewed it all back together.  If anyone tries this pattern, I would suggest crocheting the first few rounds.

The pattern is Honeycomb by Nikki Van De Car and I used Knit Picks Comfy Worsted yarn in Creme Brulee. I really like how soft and washable the yarn is.

I am lucky I finished it when I did because the swelling in my hands continues.  I am actually getting used to having semi-numb hands and fingers, but I have no desire to knit or crochet and I have a long list of projects to do.  This is all part of the dull ache of "general pregnancy discomfort" as my midwife calls it.

I do have his room all ready and all his clothes washed.  My hospital bag and his are packed and in the van.  His car seat is installed.  We have officially decided on a name (to be revealed upon his birth). D is taking a big sister class on Sunday. Our cloth diaper rental is ordered. Things seem to be in order (have I ever mentioned I like order, librarian tend to love order).

Now all I need is some nesting to kick in so I can crazy clean this house.  Oh and for labor to start.  I am not looking forward to labor, but I really, really want to not be pregnant any more.

What are you looking forward to?

Staycation

D and I are on staycation this week.  I had a week's worth of vacation hours to use up before the end of the fiscal year.  I could really use this week of vacation on maternity leave next month, but next month is also the new fiscal year and new vacation accrual. I have to work with the system or go crazy.  Plus, I really needed a vacation.

I don't remember ever being at home on vacation with D.  Usually we go somewhere (usually the grandparent's).  But this time we are home alone (my husband is still working this week and is home most nights so we are not totally "alone" but it still feels that way) and I am starting to miss work.  Yes, I am one of those "bad" mothers that likes working, that wants someone else to watch her kid so she can work (I have two master's degrees to pay off).  Although while I am at work I often think about being home, so I guess I would think of work at home.  It seems that the grass is always greener on the other side. 

I really am enjoying some of my time at home.  I am getting things ready for the new baby and crossing things off my to-do list.  But I am at my whit's end trying to keep a 5 year old occupied.  Not only that, I have two dogs that are used to being home alone all day and are barking hysterically at every little movement inside or out.  Maybe working in the relatively quite atmosphere of the library has ruined me for noise. D is used to having tons of friends to play with at prek/day care and is going a bit stir crazy herself.  I guess we are all out of sorts this week.

That is what I have to keep reminding myself, I am a good mom, but we are all out of sorts this week.  If being home was our usually routine, we would be awesome at this and I would not be going crazy right now.  We've never had a week like this.  D keeps asking if it is a school day, but on school days she asks to stay home.  I wish for time at home, but at home I just want my normal routine back. 

So kudos to stay-at-home moms and working moms and really all moms.  It is hard work always.

I am just afraid of what will happen on my maternity leave when I have D and a newborn at home for 6 weeks.

Any advice?

Large and Less In Charge

It is June and I am 33 weeks pregnant.

My hands and feet are swollen from edema.  This causes my arms to "fall sleep" and my hand to hurt once they "wake up."  This makes everyday activities such as dressing myself, putting on makeup, working, typing and knitting much more purposeful tasks.  What used to be easy is now difficult and takes concentration.

Also at 33 weeks, I am measuring larger than average according to my midwife.  Apparently this is apparent to everyone.  Last week, I had three people ask me how many days I have left and I told l them 8 weeks.  They were all shocked.  I am huge, I get it.  So to all the people out there, very pregnant people do not always want to talk about how much longer they are pregnant, especially to strangers, and don't assume on size. I feel it is an eternity away.

So while my body gives away, I am still doing pretty good on my knitting deadline for the baby blanket.  I have less than 300 yards to go! Which is well ahead of my original goal.

I am hoping to get this done before too long.

Then I have yarn to make another baby blanket (I may have a problem) and some cloth diaper soakers. I will have to get some bibs and burp cloths made up too. Making baby things is so fun.

What are you working on?

Rainy Day Sewing

I finally finished a sewing project.  I bought this fabric at Joann's in January

It is so adorable, right? Owls are so in right now.  Yet, it has sat on the floor of my dining room (with my sewing machine) for months.  Every weekend I would say to myself, This is the weekend I sew that blanket.  it always turned out to be a lie, until this past weekend.  I have been such a procrastinator. This blanket is for a baby boy at church that is now almost 2 months old.  I was planning to make it for the baby shower (which I actually missed).  Getting to the end of this pregnancy (only 8 more weeks) is really making me finish up some projects.

I don't know about the weather were you were for Memorial Day weekend, but at my parent's house in eastern Iowa it was plain yucky.  It was cold and rainy all weekend, which is perfect for sewing, but still gives you that cooped-up feeling.  The weather was finally beginning to behave like May weather and then we get April weather.  All weekend on Facebook I saw friends in Nashville posting outside pictures, many of them involving pools.  I even saw my cousins in South Dakota post pictures of relatively nice weather.  But I was stuck with craptastic weather and a five-year-old desperate to go outside and play.  She watched some old Disney VHS tape at Nana's while Nana and I sewed.

 I sat down with my mom and did some math (crafting always seems to take math, I guess you are going to use this stuff in real life) and a bit later I had this:

If you want to make one it is relatively simple.  I used this tutorial.

I have made this blanket many times over, but it has been about a year since I have sewed.  I have patched things, but not made a project.  I could really tell my sewing skills have deteriorated.  Sewing is not my first craft of choice, but I do like it, so I need to keep at it and hone my skills.  Hopefully I will have a few more projects this year.  Maybe I can make this pattern over and over again for Project Linus.  But then again , I may just be really busy with baby #2.

How did you spend your Memorial Day weekend?

A Summer Blanket

Last weekend I had a bit of time to start a new knitting project, a baby blanket for baby #2 due in July.  I am not sure how much use it will get in July, but come the fall and winter I am sure we will use it.

This is my first attempt in knitting a blanket.  I have made many baby blankets, but usually I crochet or sew them (and I still have to sew one for a baby born months ago, maybe this weekend?).  Knitting a baby blanket or any blanket just seems like a lot of time and more ambition than I seem to possess.  But I found this pattern and fell in love and told myself I could do it.

This fun pattern, "Honeycomb," is from the book What to Knit When You're Expecting by Nikki Van De Car.  The pattern is also free on her website. I am looking forward to knitting other items form this book too, I just probably won't get to them while I am expecting.

This blanket started out with casting on just 4 stitches and then increasing a lot to make a square.  I started this blanket many, many times over.  The beginning is very tricky, but once you get through those first few rounds, it gets much better.  It is great TV watching knitting too because the pattern is so easily remembered.  Soon, the blanket will be so big that I will need to add another cable on to my needles, one of the great things I love about interchangeable needle sets.  With my knitting cable connector set, I can make my circular needle as long as I need it to be.  I love circular needles and I love being able to adjust their length!  This is the KnitPick's Harmony Wood Interchangeable Needle Set.  I've had this set for over 18 months and love it. So worth the investment.

But now I am at a stopping point, I have knit as much of this blanket as I can without guidance   The next step in the pattern is a bit confusing (okay, maybe really confusing), so I will need to visit my local yarn store and get some advice.  I love having a friendly yarn store to help me with all my issues. I have 9 skeins of yarn left (with about 100 yards per skein) to knit into this blanket and only 9 more weeks until my due date.  This works out perfectly to be a skein a week, however I would love to get this done before then, so I must visit the yarn store for advice soon (and not buy anything, right?).

On the home front, I think we are coming out of a a crazy spell, until the baby is born anyway. That will be a crazy time for sure.  Until then, we have weeks of summer ahead of us.  The summer class I usually teach has been cancelled due to low enrollment.  While this is a bummer for the cash flow, it it probably a good idea for my sanity.  D is finished with swim lessons until after the baby is born.  My husband's work schedule is a bit less crazy and he has been home quite a few nights recently. (Maybe he can start working on updating the bathroom and fixing the gutters.) I also have a whole week of vacation to use in June before the end of the fiscal year (it is time I cannot use for maternity leave since maternity leave is after the beginning of the new fiscal year).  I've made a list of all the cool things to do around the area all summer. We might do these things or not, I am just trying to take things a bit slower and not "over do it" in my last few weeks of pregnancy.

Oh and I turn 30 this week. Instead of meeting this day with alarm, it is giving me a sense of calm.  I have high hopes for my 30s.  Somehow I feel I will be a wiser, better person, I doubt that this will really happen, but it might.  Like I said, I have high hopes.  It is kind of like a New Year's resolution period. I am entering a new decade and I can make new goals and dreams, however unlikely this all sounds.  I will become organized, raise two children, keep a clean house, cook only with whole foods, be a model employee, continue to be a wonderful wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend, and have time for knitting, reading and running, maybe train for a triathlon.  Is all of this possible? No, not really, but it is nice to have hopes and aspirations.  I do have a decade to get it figured out.

Any advice for turning 30?

Life is what happens...

As I referred to in my last post our basement flooded in the Great Peoria Flood of 2013.  I am not sure if anyone is calling this that yet, but I am.  The river is not back in its banks yet so, I guess it is still the Great Peoria Flood of 2013, only at a less intense moment.

Since this great flood there has been a metaphorical flood in my life.

My daughter is now seeing a chiropractor three times a week and seeing two gastroenterologists in hope of clearing up her issues.  She was also hospitalized for the last two days of April.  D is a very healthy girl in general, she just has some bathroom issues.  Issues that no one (besides doctors) wants to hear about or talk about but they rule all parts of her and my day.

D as a normal 5 year old that is taking swim lessons on Tuesdays and Thursdays and running in the Illinois Valley Striders kids series on Mondays.  I definitely feel like a mini-van (or sport van) mom.

We went to kindergarten round-up. We had a garage sale. We had a baby shower.  We had three family birthdays. We celebrated Mother's day.

We are flooded with places to be and things to do. Oh and the baby things to do and buy.

But I wouldn't want to change it.  Yes, I wish I had more hours in the day (or one more weekend day), but the hours I have are full and good.   I want D to learn to swim and be active.  I want her to be healthy.  I want her to remember a fun childhood with fun parents.  In the past few weeks, I have realized more than ever before that I am living as a mother.  I am always making my choices to best benefit my daughter.

I probably should have realized this in the past 5 years, but I have tried been independent.  I didn't want people to just see me as a mom, I wanted to keep my identity.  But now, when D is 5, and I am 10 weeks away from giving her a brother, I realize that I cannot be separated from her.  I even enjoy being known as "D's mom".  Every waking moment is dedicated to her (I go to bed almost right after her- I'm a pregnant lady). And I am so aware that things will change this summer.

As I watch D, she is me.  Her mannerisms, her body shape, her temper.  It is all me. (Probably why we don't get along so well.)  She learned to be herself from me.  Oh and a little bit of my husband too.  I didn't show her the Jean Claude Van Damme movie that has her doing karate/kickboxing all over the place.  That's all him.  Oh and she has this mischievousness that she also gets from her father (see kickboxing).

I thought as she got older, she wouldn't need me as much or that it would get easier and that is false.  When she was an infant she just needed me for my milk and love. Now she needs me for learning how to be a person in society, which is much harder than breastfeeding, pumping at work 3-4 times a day for a year and making our own baby food.  She needs me to reassure her that being weird is good, but not too weird.  She needs me to guide her though learning right from wrong, learning our culture with its signs, symbols, and myths.  I have to remind her "Don't forget to be awesome."(Imaginary Awesome Points for naming the author of this quote.) I have to answer a million "why" questions a day and give full scientific answers before she is satisfied (yes, I did explain the whole water cycle to her because she wouldn't take it is raining because there are rain clouds as an answer).  This week she has been asking what is real and has found out that monsters, fairies, and magic are not.  She also learned that Princess Jasmine did not live in the United States and lived a long time ago (we will cover that she is not real another day.) This is all so much harder than feeding and changing diapers, even harder than the 2 am feedings.

So my life is happening and I am going to try not to make other plans, but I do have some things on the needles and a finished project to show off.